Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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