She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
