I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
