Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
