How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
