he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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