the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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