Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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