Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
