if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
