Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
