I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
