So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
