so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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