And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
