the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
