hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
