i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
