the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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