Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
