all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
