There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
