Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
