That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
