just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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