my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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