STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
