Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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