I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
