Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
