"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
