Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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