It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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