I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
