just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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