I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
