dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
