Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
