I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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