i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
