whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
