a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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