Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
