Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I cockslap morals
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so let's talk penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
