what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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