bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
