Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
