You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
