i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
