oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
