Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
